Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas
by innocent.alice
Summary: Reposted: Lilly's Christmas in Manhattan. Rating may change in future.
1. Have Yourself A Merry Little Christmas

A/N: Hello, everyone. I'm reposting my Christmas story over the next week because it was deleted right before Christmas (unfortunately) and I never got to finish it. But, I didn't want people to miss out on it, or not get an ending, so enjoy. And if you haven't read it yet, then give it a chance, and I hope you'll like it. I worked really hard on it, and if it turns out people still want to read it, i'll finish. Otherwise, it's backburner 'til next Christmas. Reviews are appreciated. c:

Four hours left of Thanksgiving.

An assortment of boxes (Chinese) filled with rice and chicken and noodles covered the portable formica tray in the expansive yet empty living room, courtesy of Ed's Chinese Palace on 45th Street. Not the traditional dinner to be had on the third Thursday of November. Those dinners normally involve friends and family gathering together to help consume the turkey (stuffed), cranberry sauce (canned), and dessert (homemade). Traditionally, of course. However, for the fourth year running, Lilly Truscott's thanksgiving had evolved into takeout (insert foreign dish here) food and watching the Macy's Day parade from the window of her Manhattan loft.

Had someone told Lilly five years ago that this would be her future, she certainly would've been shocked, not to mention a little disappointed. Hell, she would've had that reaction as to a month before she'd even actually moved across the country, when she'd never even considered moving out of Malibu, much less to the east coast. But now, as she sat on her burgundy Ikea couch, eating chicken lo mien, and watching (but not really watching) The Godfather, Lilly knew she had grown accustomed, and quite attached, to this Thanksgiving tradition.

After only one week of being eighteen, Lilly wanted to move to the East coast for college. Determined to leave California, Lilly decided to attend NYU, and by the time she was in her last year of higher education, she managed to start paying for her Manhattan loft, which was now fully fixed up. At first, moving had been a drastic change all around. Climate. People. Life. But for Lilly it seemed time. The first year she managed to visit Malibu for the holidays, mainly to appease Miley and her fear that they would drift apart.

Then again, as Lilly's decision to move changed her life, everyone else's decisions changed their own lives as well. In a way they had all moved on from how things used to be, metamorphosizing their old lives. Miley moved back to Tennessee where she began a country artist career, and Oliver went to Reeds College in Portland because he had what he always referred to as "connections," even making the air quotes with his fingers, and Lilly's mom had Al. Also known as Lilly's stepfather. It wasn't as if Lilly didn't like him. In fact, the only thing she didn't like was his name. It was just that Al, along with the baby he and her mom shared, was the focal point of her mom's new life, whereas Lilly was in the background like an extra, a static character, which she was surprisingly okay with. Her mom was crazy about Al. She deserved her happiness.

After the first year of visiting home, it was too expensive and not the way life was when she was younger. It was time to move on, and to Lilly, going back home for Christmas that year was the last nail on the coffin of her past. So the next year she spent it alone. At first, being alone during the holidays was difficult, but it was the year that Lilly fell completely in love with snow and winter in New England. Besides, being on her own gave Lilly a sense of independence. After school, Lilly got a dog and a job at a newspaper.

Lilly sat in her now complete apartment, avoiding her editor's repetitive calls reminding her of a deadline, blowing her short, wispy bangs out of her eyes, listening to Marlon Brando, and tracing over the seven digits on the small piece of paper with her finger, oscillating between calling him, or avoiding him for the next five years.

*****

It was possibly the most outrageous wedding in New Jersey and definitely the most outrageous wedding Lilly had ever been to. White roses in hundreds of ornately carved glass vases strategically placed around each pew, draped in lace, silk, and foreign fabrics that Lilly couldn't even begin to pronounce. Petals of the same flower scattered down the long carpeted aisle leading to the main focus of the room in the pristine white chapel - the altar. It was the crooked smile of Da Vinci's Mona Lisa, tying the entire room together with a white-iron wrought trellis threaded throughout with green stems attached to the only color standing out against the bleach-white-Mr. Clean-would-be-proud-of-room. Rich, crimson-stained roses were the backdrop of the setting where Lilly would be standing in less than twenty-four hours, fulfilling her duty as best friend and maid of honor. The entire place was ridiculously gorgeous, yet completely over the top. Then again that was-

"Miley?" Lilly asked.

"Yeah," the made up brunette replied mindlessly as she watched the small Chinese lady across the table polish her last acrylic nail.

Lilly looked over the entire picture that was the wedding room outside the dressing room doorway. a Kodak moment of perfection. Everything seemed incredibly breathtaking and pure.

"Is Iron Chef really making your cake?"

"And Project Runway is making my dress." Lilly's mouth slightly opened in disbelief as Miley corrected, "Well, made - technically. It's perfect."

Lilly smirked affectionately at her best friend.

"Of course it is. it wouldn't be a Miley Stewart event without going all out, would it?"

"Right," Miley laughed in agreement.

"I mean," Lilly mentioned, "This is going to put all those cheesy Hollywood wedding movies to shame. My Best Friend's Wedding. 27 Dresses. Made of Honor."

Miley smiled, genuinely happy. "Yeah. Because I'm marrying my best friend. Patrick Dempsey couldn't drag me away on his best day."

The Chinese woman gave Miley her hand back as she added her own heavily accented opinion in. "And that Hannah Montana couldn't drag him back either," She smiled.

Lilly and Miley exchanged knowing glances. Miley had ended Hannah Montana while managing to never give up her secret. That was five years ago and after Nick had found out, so she could begin her own way in country music, and to make being with Nick easier. Six years after their first date, and they were getting married.

Lilly was happy for them both, and a little jealous of Miley's luck of ending up with the good Jonas. Lilly was just a little unsure how much she'd regret after this whole wedding thing.

'Maybe,' she thought, 'I could just skip out on the dinner rehearsal and just spend the actual wedding day with Miley. Leave early from the reception,' She quietly did the math in her head and figured, 'It'd be a little over three hours in my too-tight, strapless, prom-like, shin-high, red-red dress, and I could hit the road back to my loft of solitude.'

Miley eyed Lilly suspiciously. "You're not planning on skipping the dinner tonight, are you?" Miley accused. "Because it's at 6:30. Sharp." Miley reminded Lilly.

"What? Pshh...no!" Lilly said unconvincingly.

Miley tilted her head to the side, deciding how to best word her question without upsetting the delicate mental balance that was her friend, Lilly.

"You're..this isn't-ahem-about Joe, is it?" Miley's face tensed before she began rambling, "Because I know you guys haven't talked in years and the last time was, you know, but you guys were friends at one point in time and I really need you there tonight-"

As Miley had been rambling, Lilly's face looked somewhat despondent for a split second, but swiftly regaining composure, she interrupted Miley, saying a bit more believably, "No."

Miley was impressed with Lilly's conviction, and though she knoew Lilly hadn't really convinced either of them, she let her continue on with her little diatribe.

"Miley," Lilly said slowly, holding Miley's shoulders to emphasize her point, "It has nothing to do with Joe." Miley noticed the slight wince Lilly unconsciously gave off at merely speaking his name. "Nothing -no one- could keep me from showing up in a ridiculous dress, that'll have me freezing, on your big day. Besides," Lilly let go of Miley's shoulders and crossed her arms, returning to the topic of Joe, "it's been almost five years. I do like to credit myself at 22 with some ability to let things go." Lilly smiled reassuringly.

Miley didn't mention that their relationship was almost two years long, Lilly cried every night for weeks after he left, she moved across the country (though she'd never actually admit it) to escape the memories, and in the past four and a half years none of Lilly's relationships have lasted more than five months. No, Miley didn't mention any of that.

"So I'll see you at 6:30?" Miley asked expectantly.

"Sharp." Lilly rolled her eyes in mock irritation and smiled. Looking at her watch. Lilly gasped and said while rushing out the door, "I better go get dressed. I'll meet you back here."

"At-"

"Six thirty sharp!" Lilly finished shouting, groaning dramatically.

"Don't forget to wear your dress!" Miley called after Lilly.

"Shit. Shit. Shit!" Lilly cried. "Where's my shoe?" She yelled at no one in her hotel room, frantically searching for the mate to her size seven red wedge heel. Giving up hope for a few minutes to fix her hair, Lilly ran into the bathroom.

"Six thirty-nine!?" Lilly exclaimed, glancing down at her watch. There was an abandoned shoe beneath the view of her wrist.

"In the sink?"

Lilly shrugged. She looked at her hair in it's messy, honey-colored bun and thought, 'It'll have to do.'

"Where's Lilly?" Oliver asked Miley, ignoring the shaking head and neck-slashing warning signs he was getting from Nick standing behind her.

Miley's face embodied the anger her voice had managed to contain. She smiled sweetly and said, "Wherever she is, she better be dead or dying. She promised she wou-"

"Here!" Lilly shouted scrambling into the room, out of breath, "Miley I am so sorry I'm...late." She uttered the last word senselessly as she caught his eyes locked on her.

'Great,' she thought, 'Great impression to make on an ex five years post breakup. Flush-faced, dishevel haired girl with the inability to use the English vocabulary. Way to show him what he's really missing, Lilly." Sarcastically reprimanding herself in her head.

Lilly lowered her voice so only Miley could hear, "Can I talk to you," Lilly jerked her head violently towards the door, "in there?" She emphasized the last word seriously.

Before Miley could reluctantly agree, Lilly was shoving her out of the door and before closing it, she addressed the entire room, looking at anyone but Joe, and said, 'If I don't make it out alive...give me a funeral half this beautiful and make sure my eulogy proves how truly amazing I was. Nick," she she turned to him, "You're good with words, right? Make me sound great. Bathing stray dogs, helping old people cross streets. All that good stuff." Lilly grinned. "I've gotta go meet my maker now," and she ran out the door.

"And...scene." Nick joked, looking at Joe to gauge his reaction to Lilly, but as usual, Joe was impossible to read. Whatever emotions were running through his head were not playing out on his face.

"Man, I've missed that girl," Oliver laughed.

Then Nick did see Joe's face change. It was confusion, and Nick knew why. (p.s. Explained later)

"This better be really. Really. Good." Miley stared at Lilly.

"It..is." Lilly was unsure of her excuse just yet. Her mind was unable to function, still preoccupied with seeing Joe again. How he'd managed to have more composure than her was beyond Lilly. It's not like she hadn't seen him as long as he hadn't seen her. She watched him (involuntarily, that is) in the media. With other celebrities. Mostly of the opposite sex. Yet pictures in the magazines didn't convey exactly how much he'd matured, his jawline more defined - along with the rest of his body, Lilly noted. Or maybe not. Maybe he hadn't changed at all. Pictures in magazines may have torn out sutures in Lilly's somewhat mended heart, but pictures in magazines didn't give Lilly that inexplicable tug in her heart, or the trembling, overpowerful one in the core of her stomach. Not to the degree he himself did, at least. Lilly mind traced over his features slowly. His hair was shorter with maturity, yet still long enough to cover is far-too-intense eyes, his jawline making Lilly more than vaguely remember once being the one whose fingers would trail that same plane, creating a lazy path to his lips, and Lilly was already unwillingly feeling things again and if someone didn't stop her thoughts, Lilly was going to commit herself.

"It's Joe, isn't it?" Miley asked matter-of-factly, snapping Lilly out of her all too thought-provoking trance.

"Wha-Why would you say that?"

"Because whenever someone even mentions his name, you flinch like your being tazed," Miley crossed her arms, the way she did when she knew she was right. "And I've seen that look on your face before." Miley added, concerned.

Lilly went against denying it. After all, Miley was the one who'd initially helped her pick up the pieces of the broken two year relationship that Joe'd left behind. Then again, Miley was the one who'd brought her and Oliver together afterwards, and that definitely wasn't Miley's best work, even though she was only trying to help Lilly, it was way too soon. Still, Lilly's pride wasn't too high on it's horse to deny Miley.

"It's just," Lilly thought about the best way to say what she wanted without sounding like the martyr, "He was the only person I loved that much, that...intensely. You know?" Lilly paused, letting the wave of some undefined emotion was over her and dissipate, before continuing. "It's just...it's hard. Seeing him again. I mean the last time I saw him-in person-I wasn't exactly on top of the world. You know that." Lilly laughed to ease the seriousness of her speech.

Miley knew that. She remembered the phone call. Lilly asking if she could come over for awhile. How until Miley asked what was wrong for the thirteenth time Lilly's face was blank, devoid of any emotion. Miley was mored afraid of that Lilly than the broken one who'd sobbed into her pillow that night quietly when she thought Miley was asleep. At least the second was some sort of feeling and not the mask she remembered Lilly wearing for the longest time afterwards. She remembered one of the only things Lilly'd said to her about it. "He stopped loving me, Miley. He didn't die. He didn't have to move. He stopped loving me. God. He didn't even stop loving me because he never told me he loved me to begin with. What do I do?" Miley remembered all of that.

Finally speaking, Miley said understandingly, "If you can't be here, it's fine, Lill-"

"No, Miley." Lilly interrupted. "I'm fine. Really. i wouldn't have told you I'd be here for you if I couldn't take seeing Joe." Lilly managed to form her lips around his name without being noticeably affected by it, but couldn't help thinking to herself as Miley led her back to the dining hall.

'Come on, Lilly.' she told herself. 'You are over him. You are over him.' Repeating the mantra to herself, Lilly walked back in and hugged people she hadn't seen in years.

"Hey Mr. Stewart!" She hugged him tightly, missing all the years she'd spent with Miley and Oliver. She reached over to Oliver, who smiled at her in the always goofy way he used to, "Hey stranger." She said hesitantly.

"C'mere." He laughed. Pulling her into a huge bear hug, rocking her and saying quietly, " 'Bout time you showed up."

She shoved him playfully, knowing this was his way of telling her they were still friends, and she was relieved. She'd missed Oliver, and calling him every now and again had turned into calling about once every six months. She hoped he hadn't held a grudge against her and was glad to find he hadn't.

She successfully managed to avoid Joe the rest of the night, busy catching up with everyone. But the next day would prove to be a little more difficult.


	2. Invitations of Many Kinds

Chapter Two: Invitations of Many Kinds

A/N: Reviews are welcome. Thanks! =)

The wedding march played when everybody exited following Miley and Nick. Walking down the aisle, Lilly looked at her thin, gold watch. The face read 5:46. She sighed visibly.

'A little less than two hours until I am out of this dress and on my way to spending the rest of my Sunday at home.' Lilly thought, relieved.

The only thing left was the outdoors dinner reception, and it was every bit as glorified as the wedding itself. The buffet was on the edge of the patio on dozens of white round tables right off of the dance floor which was tailored perfectly under a large dome. Yet the only thing detail that really caught Lilly's eyes was the vacant ribbon-backed chair. After only a few minutes of sitting alone, Lilly's thoughts were interrupted by a deep voice.

"Mind if I sit here?"

Lilly shrugged in slight irritation. Sharing a table meant involving herself in actual conversation. Actual conversation for the next hour and a half, however, constituted of the delicious salmon, or the impeccable taste of wedding planners. Conversations that Lilly really wasn't into.

"Thanks."

Lilly didn't realize the hesitation in the guy's voice until he sat down. 'Oh no,' her head was completely filled with thoughts. 'No. No. No. No. Dammit. I am _not _ready for any conversation with him. I'd rather talk about sauteed mushrooms or the silk patterns surrounding the reception, or even the newest political scandal. Anything in the realm of possibility would be better than any conversation he could possibly start.'

'Then again,' she argued with herself, 'You are over him, remember? Freaking out about close proximity and conversations would be the exact _opposite_ of your current state.'

"Are you alright?" Joe questioned, wondering what was going on in her head.

"Internal battles." Lilly paused, then gave a small smile, "I'm fine."

Lilly watched Joe silently. She'd missed him. Not just physically and mentally as his girlfriend, but just as much -if not more than-as his friend. His explanation as to why he was leaving her and Malibu didn't have the lasting pain that his actual absence cause. Just not having him in her life hurt enough. Watching his life played out in the media was the cherry on top of that unjust dessert. Yet sitting there, watching Joe struggle to find words for a light conversation, Lilly's rampant, contradicting emotions dimmed into the background in contrast to her pure and simple desire for them to be friends. To be able to talk and laugh and smile with him the way she used to. She had the urge to reach out to him, to let him into her life. Her conscience must've taken an afternoon nap or a bathroom break or something, because had it been aware of the impulse she'd acted on next, it would've warned her of their history of being 'friends' and how it had inevitably led her to the raw end of the deal. It would have brought up that emotion lingering in the background music, always quietly humming that she was never really quite over Joe.

"So, have you prepared your Best Man speech?" Lilly asked, figuring it was the least inquisitive she could be while still igniting some form of dialogue not labeled 'awkward'. It seemed to work, because Joe looked visibly relieved.

"Nah, I thought I'd just wing it. See where my thoughts take me." Joe gestured his hand away from himself.

Lilly eyed him playfully, finding it much easier to talk to him than she'd guessed. "Oh yeah? Miley's letting you," mocking Joe's fly-away hand gesture, "wing it?"

Joe paused for a moment, enjoying the happiness Lilly embodied. For a long time he'd wished he could find a way for them to regain some kind of relationship. From the other night, though, it seemed like Lilly wanted nothing to do with him. Along with his promise to Miley that would refrain from any 'action or spoken word directed at Lilly' that would upset the wedding, Joe knew Lilly still held somewhat of a grudge against him. It was understandable, though. He decided he'd just have to be cautious in the way he'd try repairing their friendship. Lilly had been his closest friend for years, and at 25, he wanted that kind of friendship again.

Joe leaned in closer to Lilly and said quietly, "I have seven notecards in my pocket of what I'm supposed to say, with areas of importance highlighted."

Lilly felt a small bubble of laughter rise up from her throat, followed by a fleeting constriction in her chest. He had gotten so close she had noticed his eyes uncontrollably sparkle with laughter, like she remembered they almost always did, and felt his scent empower her briefly. She let go of it, let it drift back into her subconscious with the other deserted feeling left to dwell somewhere else.

"I know what you mean," Lilly picked up the conversation, unsure of where it was headed. "With my invitation, a list of 'What Good Maid-of-Honors do NOT Bring Up in Conversation' was included." Lilly rested her chin in her hand, chuckling at her friend's perfectionism. Joe was leaning back in his chair, an arm resting on the table holding his untouched glass of champagne.

"Was 'not discussing the anal tendencies of the bride-to-be' on the list?" He asked.

Lilly joked, "It might've made the list. Then again, I'm pretty sure 'talking to or about past relationships' was on it to avoid any unpleasant situation." Lilly paused to give a small, crooked smile. "But you know me. I like to live on the edge."

Joe shifted in his seat, sitting up, "Lilly, about that-"

"No. It's cool. I'm not angry or anything. You don't have to worry about me chopping off any of your limbs or setting you on fire."

Joe replied sheepishly, "Very reassuring. I better make that speech now before we partake in all that dancing." he finished with mock cheer.

Lilly looked quizzically at Joe. "Dancing?"

Joe nodded. "Dancing. We have to dance the first song together-thank Miley for that one, she made a list of dancing partners for the first song, mine being the maid of honor. But don't worry, after that you can dance with whomever you wish." Joe said jokingly, yet their was some unknown underlying tone. "You didn't think Michael Buble was up there on piano so he could serenade the birds flying south, did you?"

Lilly laughed, but said seriously, "I don't mind dancing with you." As she saw Joe fish through his pocket with his left hand, she added, "You know...I burnt my list of 'What Not to Do at This Wedding' as soon as I got it. _Your_ speech. Not Miley's."

Joe looked at Lilly, silently thanking her and stood up to give his unrehearsed speech.

Getting everyone's attention, Joe seeked out his brother's face, and on finding it beside his other brother and his new sister-in-law, Joe began to talk to everyone in the dome ensconced patio.

"It's been a long time...months, actually-since I've seen my brothers, and even longer since I've seen most everyone else here. We aren't as close as we were, which is okay, because this weekend I've seen that my brother doesn't need me as much as I conceitedly thought he did. Without realizing it, my little brother has grown up. This weekend I realized something else. He shares this unusual bond with Miley, and I'm jealous," Joe turned to Nick, "I'm jealous of you. You've found something so strong and amazing with Miley and don't get me wrong. I think you're both lucky to have each other and have made it so far. I'm not jealous of your luck or who you're with-no offense, Miley-," Joe nodded towards Miley, who smiled, "I just wish, and I think we all wish, that we could all have what you two have. I've never really been able to hold onto anyone like you two have with each other. But you two deserve it more than any couple I know and I'm happy for you. Both of you." Joe finished before raising his glass and taking a small drink of champagne.

Nick and Miley walked to where Joe was standing. The two brothers shared a quick hug and Nick said, "Thanks, man."

Joe patted Nick's back and replied, "Anytime."

Lilly knew that the two had a relationship that didn't need many words.

(**A/N:** The song in the background that they're going to dance to is You and I by Michael Buble. You should listen to it sometime)

The soft, flowing keys of a piano drifted throughout the reception; the first dance. As Miley was already at the center of the white-marbled dance floor, Joe turned towards Lilly.

Joe held out his hand, "Shall we?" He asked dramatically, bringing a humored smile to Lilly's face. She outstretched her own hand, and ignored the slight shiver his touch sent through her, ignored that old, once-forgotten jolting electric pulse that hummed throughout her body as his hand held her by her lower back, where it stayed after leading her to the dance floor. Words began to float around and between them, intimate words meant for the newly married couple, not the one that couldn't last through times of having to be apart. Lilly let the softness of the piano drift through her, masking the effect the words had on her, because they weren't supposed to affect her at all. They did though. She found it easier to concentrate on the words, than what excessive physical contact she was sharing with Joe. She found herself slightly humming, then singing along with the words herself.

"Will it say the love you feel for me...Will it say that you will be by my side to see me through. Until my life is through," she quietly sang along, as Joe listened, hearing the conviction in her voice. He didn't interrupt her at first, instead listening for awhile.

"Well, in my mind we can conquer the world...in love. You and I. You and I. You and I."

Joe raised his eyebrows slightly, wondering whether she were in love, if she'd found someone, like he remembered suggesting her to do. He didn't want to ask, not only because it didn't seem like the right time to, but also because he didn't really want to hear a definitive answer. Instead, he asked a much less weighted question, which seemed to be collectively adding up to create a large mound of some unanswered subject that neither were quite ready to tackle.

"You like this song?" he asked, snapping her out of her daze and replacing the pensive look on her face with a look that Joe remembered too well. It was the look she'd given him after he'd first kissed her, breaking down the barrier of friendship they'd had, and right before she'd leaned in to kiss him back, rather willingly, he remembered. It was just a look of confusion mixed with a dawning of realization. An innocent expression that made him feel like he'd been punched in the solar plexus.

Lilly snapped back to reality, jolted by Joe's voice. She hadn't realized she was singing along. She nodded, lifting her eyes slowly to meet his, only for her eyes to dart away quickly. She didn't want to get involved, or feel anything not reciprocated. She slightly cleared her throat, thinking of something to say.

"are you doing anything for Christmas?"

Joe thought for a second, before answering honestly. "No. I haven't really done anything for Christmas the past few years."

Lilly was a bit surprised, but relieved that they had landed into conversational territory that would distract her from the sensation in her lower back that felt like Joe's hand was searing into her skin. She made a note to check herself into a mental institution, because she was obviously going crazy.

"Neither have I. Ever since Mom got remarried, I've felt awkward being home. Like it's not really where I belong anymore." Lilly looked disconnected almost for a second, then added, "I guess I understand, though. She deserves to be happy."

Lilly smiled but Joe knew how being alone during the holidays felt.

"I know how it is though, Lilly. Christmas isn't really the same alone, is it?"

Lilly nodded, watching Miley laughing and dancing with Nick. She wanted those old Christmases, the long days with friends. Just not another one alone. She hoped her envy wasn't too apparent, but looking at her, Joe saw it as longing for more, and without being able to say anything else, the song ended.

They both walked away, ready to clear their heads from the thickness of the air that had formed between them. Both were too stubborn or ignorant to accept it as tension, or even chemistry.

They caught each other about an hour later, though, as it had begun to snow lightly when people started walking back towards the patio. Taking her time, Lilly was one of the last ones to reach the dome along with Joe. He watched her curiously as she let snowflakes fall on her face and dress. He wanted her to know he wanted their friendship again.

He asked, "What are you doing?"

"I love snow." She said, not really answering his question. Looking up, she stuck her tongue out.

"Aah..." She was catching the snow with her tongue, like a child. He laughed at her, not mocking, just entertained. She took her eyes off of the sky and looked at him.

"I moved to New York to go to college. It was the first time I'd ever seen snow." She paused. It was the first thing she'd told him about her life since he'd left it. "Snow and I have had a good relationship," she stated plainly.

Joe was startled a bit by her confession. He didn't know a lot about her from the past five years. He knew, however, that it was becoming increasingly easier to be around her. He stopped trying to think of what to say and just let it (whatever _it_ was) take over.

"I think I've taken snow for granted most of the time," he told her honestly, semi-conscious of the double meaning.

Lilly stared quietly at him for a while before simply replying, "I think you and snow can be friends." Lilly said slowly, tenuously.

"Yeah?" Joe asked, his face giving away some of the surprise he'd had to Lilly's comment. He wasn't quite convinced that she was talking about snow as a metaphor, until Lilly replied, smiling, "I find snow to be astoundingly very forgiving."

Joe was struck by the simplicity of happiness she imbued. It was a little consuming, nevertheless, it intrigued him. Just being around her sent him back to days of stolen glances and those first few hesitant kisses-then the braver, more confident ones where her fingers would trace mindless patterns on his skin, back to that vague line that was the transition from her unsure innocence, to the inevitable bold confidence he saw only in complete isolation with her, away from everyone else. He felt an immediate pang in in his chest. It was surprising to think she'd spent so much time alone in the past, and despite knowing it wasn't his fault, he wished he could change it. Without thinking, he voiced his thoughts and let her take them how she wanted.

"I'm sorry you spend Christmas alone."

Lilly stood there beside him, looking thoughtfully for a moment. She wanted to say so many things, or do something. Instead, she smiled sadly and let out a small, "Me too."

Joe didn't give it a second thought before asking chastely, "Do you want to go for a walk?"

"In the snow?" Lilly said, her eyes pointing out the falling snow around them.

Joe breathed out a smile and a "Yeah."

Lilly returned a grin and nodded silently.

They found a narrow path of dirt with branches overhanging as a natural roof, intertwining in intricate patterns above them. Not touching, yet totally aware of each other, they both focused on the path ahead, lightly layered with a film of snow.

Without taking her eyes off of the road ahead, Lilly spoke softly.

"I miss being friends."

Caught off guard, Joe replied truthfully.

"Me too."

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Lilly's fingers continued to trace over the seven digits, as she allowed herself to be washed over with the overpowering desire to hear Joe's voice, to see him.

Without realizing her own actions, Lilly's empty hand had reached for the phone and dialed the numbers already imprinted in her memory.

It rang once.

Meanwhile Lilly argued with herself, inside her head.

Why am I doing this?

Because you miss him. Because you want him here.

No.

Yes. You're weak. Admit it.

No, I'm not.

You are.

A second ring.

We-eak.

Shut-up.

Ask him.

What?

You know you want to.

No.

A third ring.

He's not even picking up.

Give him a chance.

No.

No, to what?

All of it.

Ask him.

What? Ask him what?

Just ask.

A fourth rin-

"Hello?"

Lilly caught her breath for a second in her throat, choking out the word. "Hey," She let her voice return. "It's Lilly."

"Hey," Joe smirked slightly. He wondered when she was going to call him, if at all. They seemed to have gotten along at the wedding, but was still unsure whether to give her his number or not. Rather than say something stupid like 'Sup' to fill the silence, he waited for her to say something, she was the one who'd called, after all.

"I was just wondering..." Lilly paused, her fingers pressing and circling patterns into her jeans as she on the arm of her couch, contemplating how to best word her next sentence.

'Just ask him.' In the back of her mind, that wretched voice whispered. Lilly thought to herself, 'It's like I have the anti-conscience in my head.'

"Yeah, Lils?"

Lilly ignored the tingle in her abdomen caused by the nickname she hadn't been called in years. She seemed to be ignoring a lot of things recently.

'This can't be good for my health,' Lilly thought, simultaneously saying out loud, "Did you want to spend Christmas here? If you're not doing anything else, that is." She added quickly.

"No. I'm not doing anything." Joe was a little stunned by her invitation, but accepted anyways.

"Yeah. When should I, come over?" Joe felt a little awkward asking. He wasn't expecting her to offer something like this. Not that he was complaining.

Lilly thought about it, still shocked that she invited him to stay with her.

"The tenth?"

"Tenth?" He repeated.

"Unless that's too soon." Lilly said immediately. "We cou-"

"The tenth is fine, Lilly." He laughed. He'd missed her quirkiness. "Besides, it'll give us enough time to do every cheesy Christmas tradition there is."

"Yeah?" Lilly asked, praying her voice didn't sound too hopeful.

"Yeah." Joe said reassuringly. "When was the last time you got a real Christmas tree. Or watched The Polar Express?"

Lilly honestly couldn't say. "Good point," she admitted.

"So it's settled." Joe stated. "Lilly?"

"Yeah?" She asked, feeling the way she did about a week ago, ironically.

"Why are you asking _me_ over?" He paused, wavering to continue. "Not that I'm not glad you did. I am. I mean, you could've asked Miley. Or Oliver." He thought about Oliver. He knew she'd dated him almost immediately after they'd broken up. He wanted to know about that, but he'd ask later.

Lilly bit her bottom lip, chewing thoughtfully. "I didn't want you to spend Christmas alone."

Joe accepted her answer.


End file.
